December 2009
“Only one composer-lyricist on this list had more than one new show on Broadway...”
– Charles Isherwood, NY Times
In 2009, I...
traveled to England and France, directed a play, went swimming with sting-rays, started writing and editing news, got published in The New York Times, saw a lot of theater, met a lot of famous people, made a website, made new friends.
Beat that, 2k10.
Twilight Zone marathon: Long Distance Call
This is the one where the kid calls his dead grandma and she answers.
It was based on that Seinfeld episode where the kid keeps calling Elaine thinking it’s gammy, but it really isn’t, and then he calls 911 for Elaine when she said that gammy died.
“Look how fast this year’s gone by
Spring has somehow slipped away
I barely saw...”
– “The Last Day of the Year” by Groovelily, from “Striking 12”
http://www.groovelily.com/store/songs/last-day-of-the-year/
“You know you’re a hofstra student when you are no longer impressed when...”
“At noon a huge crowd of retarded people came to visit Santa and passed me on my...”
– David Sedaris is a funny fucker.
You don't need double talk
You need Bob Loblaw.
And the show ends with a big circle-jerk around...
But here’s the kicker:
Grandma’s dead.
Never funny, for me:
lisadicarlucci:
davidg1111:
studentloansforbeermoney:
dontcookbilly:
johnwilkestooth:
triphop:
alvareo:
Jokes about rape
Jokes about women being beaten up
Jokes about 9/11
Jokes about the holocaust
SO ON 9/11 THESE TWO WOMEN WHO WERE THE GRANDDAUGHTERS OF HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS WERE BEATEN UP AND RAPED WHEN SUDDENLY-
Woooops Ive actually made all of those jokes today.
I’m...
Never funny, for me:
studentloansforbeermoney:
dontcookbilly:
johnwilkestooth:
triphop:
alvareo:
Jokes about rape
Jokes about women being beaten up
Jokes about 9/11
Jokes about the holocaust
SO ON 9/11 THESE TWO WOMEN WHO WERE THE GRANDDAUGHTERS OF HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS WERE BEATEN UP AND RAPED WHEN SUDDENLY-
Woooops Ive actually made all of those jokes today.
I’m pretty sure this describes every...
This right here's a panty droppa
Trey Songz
This right here’s a panty-dropper Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh This right here’s a panty-dropper Whoa-oh-oh-oh, yeah, whoa-ohhh This right here’s a baby-maker Can I sing my song If you up in the club tryna get a rub Then you need to tell the DJ to put this song (Put-put-put-put this song, put this song on) Let me tell you what it is, put away the kids Time...
Fuck Bjork.
(via dontcookbilly)
This just needed a reblog.
Interestingly, This is EXACTLY How We Talk to Our...
lisadicarlucci:
rubenfeld:
kelseymcardle:
newsweek:
This story, from Tucson Weekly, about the suspension of the managing editor of the University of Arizona Daily Wildcat, is about 18 kinds of awesome. But this exchange, as reported by the managing editor, Shain Bergan, is the best part:
Alex: Shain, you’re done. You can’t dictate your own story from outside the newsroom. Shain: What are...
“Our Town, abridged for Twitter: See that old-timey man/woman over there? He/she...”
– NY Times writer Dave Itzkoff
You know what I like about the internet?
Monkeys can do it.
“When your weave gets wet, the braids come undone”
– Amber
One Big Happy Family
These are good people.
You can’t make fun of good people.
Tonight is the premiere of TLC's "One Big Happy...
“This series casts the Coles, a family of four from North Carolina collectively weighing in over 1,400 pounds. There’s 36-year-old Tameka (380 lbs), 41-year-old Norris (340 lbs), 16-year-old Amber (348 lbs) and 14-year-old Shayne (308 lbs). Their love for each other flows strong, however restaurant booths and seat belts are a challenge and morbid obesity is jeopardizing their...
“I know what will cheer you up…a computer! You can check porn. And stock...”
– George Costanza
“Tiger Woods has one thing to be thankful for this year — Charlie Sheen.”
– Overheard in the Newsroom
“May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and...”
– Thanks, TMZ!
http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/29/michael-lohan-lindsay-lohan-erin-muller-abuse-punch-kick-documents/
My new glasses
make me look like the love child of John Lennon and Harry Potter. But I won’t be able to pick them up until the end of January. So I can’t show you them now.
